sideline poem
Her not being here makes far more sense within the context of an infinite universe
Now that my daughter no longer lives here
I spend far more time considering the multidimensional nature of reality
It’s the only way
to manage the upset of her absence
Her not being here makes far more sense within the context of an infinite universe
Otherwise
all of this bleeding
from the slice of missing flesh just behind my navel
has all of my attention
So, instead, if these worlds are diffuse and transient, she can be elsewhere but also here
chit-chatting and writing poems on the sideline of her brother’s lacrosse practice
perpetuating the myth with me
letting me imagine the moment as infinite
and not this absolute sham
Every day, I am shattered by her absence
but isn’t that what so much of life is
a collection of all the shattered and fragmented
pieces we’ve lost
As the story shifts and
the seasons change and
who we were becomes
unrecognizable
a shadow from another lifetime’s
loving and losing and letting go
It is excruciating and yet
we persist
why wouldn’t we
when there is even a small spark of a chance
that the sunshine of their smiles might warm these chapped cheeks up
one more time
It’s cruel, raising a family
the big cosmic ruse
giving it all
and all the time knowing that the goal is to walk away empty-handed
bleeding internally
from the accumulated letting go of organs
I am beyond repair
in this or any reality
best not to dwell too much
just let the day be the day
The birds
The sun
The bright blue spring sky
Eating ice cream with the one who hasn’t even learned about flying yet